Battlefield

I am grateful, for what I've received, that I am privileged, as a result of my parents' hard work.

I am guilty, for the money I've spent, that I was born with opportunities, as a result of my parents' hard work.

I am constantly reminded that every breath I take is being paid for, and I must conform, for the money I've received. It's been all about the money, for without it, I am nothing. I am constantly shown how well I'm treated, and so I should endure the "I paid for this, how dare you"s. I am constantly, unknowingly taught, that money is everything. 2 generations I've seen, endure daily chastising for over half their lifetime. I do not want to be the third. Maybe they didn't see that coming when they were 20, maybe this is what the path of life looks like, maybe if that's the case, I wish I could travel the world and die young, or maybe I would change my mind 20 years down the line. This, is the real horror story of life, the battlefield of the place you call home.

The friends I've met along the way have shown me that I am a relatively emotional person. I have learnt that people do not get angry that easily. I have seen that things in life are much more easily solved calm because most of them are indeed just small issues. This was not me, this was not my family. My love and my friends, washed away the parts of me that I hate, but I hate that I'm still fighting, forever, in this battlefield. Shouldn't I be better than this? I fear, I will become the one I hate, and make my future home a battlefield.

"Someone tell me, if I'm the problem-"

Am I better, for having this thought. Am I better, for reflecting upon myself. Often, the problem lies with the one who reflects the most, because the ones that don't, never do see the problem with themselves. Some would say that people who don't reflect upon themselves can't get far in life. What can I say, except I wish that was true.

I am lucky, privileged, to have a battlefield of life worth fighting for.

I am cursed, trapped, to be in a battlefield of home I can never run from.