Awake at 5

I have a question: when you lose sleep, do you wake up early or stay up late? What keeps you awake? And it is a curious thing: sleep too much and you become lazy, sleep too little and get through the day with adrenaline. Yet which is better? To rest, or to excel? Do both come hand in hand, or are they mutually exclusive?

When I was young, I used to be kept awake by excitement or adrenaline, like on Christmas Eve, or the day before a competition. Now, I don't even know what's on my mind anymore, except it's a bunch of nonsensical thoughts and the fact that I have a train to catch in 2 hours. Don't you wonder, how that person does it all? Well perhaps they're lost, perhaps they're tired and burnt out as well.

"Perhaps this is not for me." But what is? Why do we have to live in a world where your greatest talent has to be upselling yourself? Fancy positions and sugar-coated titles, facades of smiles and pretence of humility, through these we push each other to our limits, yet beware of what lies beyond these limits.

"Networking", the term I find holds immense ambiguity and amusement. Am I a node in your network, or a friend? One in your extensive collection, or the treasured piece of diamond?

(This is in no sense specific to anyone please do not feel targeted, I have amazing friends)

"Sharing sessions", amazing little sessions, prettied-up but nonetheless a total cover. How could you depict break downs and sleepless nights to those bound to experience them? Let's not spoil the fun, they might be the ones on top of their games. Sharing sessions make me feel inferior. Juniors come up and ask questions as if they've got their life sorted out. Maybe they have. They're perhaps only shown the glitz, glams and coaxes. I've learnt, the hard way, to take these sessions with a little grain of salt.

Incoming train, mood ends here, so bye~

~Carpe diem~