Monday Blues

Hey there, it's been quite a while, hasn't it? What a year it's been, even Christmas is on it's way. I love Christmas by the way.

It's a sunny afternoon. (Well of course it is, it's Malaysia, it's scorching hot every day.) You don't know why, but you just feel so down. No you didn't do badly in the last paper, didn't hurt yourself, nobody hurt you, but you're just sad. So much for being an angsty, moody teenager. Hormones? You think not. It's not always that you see. After hours, you realise you've done absolutely nothing, and immediately feel guilty for that, but continue to do just that. You turn off the lights, lie down on the floor, and oh, the ceiling fan's pretty interesting after all. It's been hectic for the past few month. This journey is like a marathon and you're almost at the finishing line. You haven't been winning, but at the very least, are alive and breathing. Yet you feel like stopping, and think " What's the point? Why am I working so hard?" "Nope, I'm actually not. I'm wasting too much time every day, I guess I don't deserve to do well after all". Suddenly, your phone buzzes as you get a call that saves you from this abyss of unnecessary self-doubt. A friend to talk to? Nope. Even better -- foodpanda. And so you get your cravings fixed, cry to some anime and lie down for another perfectly good hour in the dark.

Finally, you get bored, or suddenly realise how dirty the floor is. So you pick yourself up, take a long bath, make yourself some tea, and blast some classical music while doing math. That's it. Life goes back to normal, nothing's changed, you still need to get your groceries pretty urgently, and have a test coming up in 2 days. Pretty anti-climatic, isn't it? No bawling your eyes out during a skype call, you don't want to worry your parents. What would you say if you were to call someone? Hey, I'm sad but I don't know why. Sounds pretty dramatic to me. You even roll your eyes at your own moody encounter.

Life gets us pretty exhausted at times, but it's okay, there will always be people there for you, or at the very least, text messages from MKN to remind you to wear your mask. It's not the end of the world, it never is. Even if it was, because of global warming and all, don't worry, we'll just die together, it'll be pretty painless, better than struggling to stay alive, I guess.

Well, that's it for today, I really need to go back to to my "'If' statements". May Pascal's Triangle bless my paper tomorrow (because I probably need to compute combination formulas without a calculator and there's no formula sheet).

~Carpe diem~